Taint It With Heart
Sometimes we wallow, we feel depressed or anxious and we get irritated, ornery, discouraged, lonely, afraid, or just plain tired of ourselves. And sometimes the person torturing us the most is the one living inside our own head.
This is an excellent time to dig in.
The Empty Field
Picture yourself walking through a neighborhood. You come upon an empty field surrounded by a fence. Stand outside the fence for a moment. Think about what you have been telling yourself when you're hurt, anxious, angry, afraid, or discouraged. Not what you think you should believe. What are you actually believing? Maybe it says:
I'm alone.
Or:
I should be further along by now.
Nobody really understands me.
I'm not good enough.
I should have known better.
Something bad is going to happen.
My best years are behind me.
I can't do this.
In your mind's eye, write each belief on a piece of paper. When you finish writing one, wad it up and toss it into the field. Keep writing and tossing until you can't think of any more. Then look at the field. Notice how many pieces of paper are littering it. Don't judge the mess. Just notice it.
Now open the gate and when you're ready, walk into the field. Pick up three to five pieces of paper. No more than five.
Pick up the first piece of paper, open it, and read the belief. Really look at it.
Then, in your mind's eye, take a big permanent marker and write across it: CANCELLED.
Not because you're pretending the thought never existed. Not because you're forcing yourself into some shiny positive affirmation you don't believe. You're canceling your agreement with it, there is a difference.
The Incinerator
Now imagine there is an incinerator inside your chest. Yes, we're going there. Take that old belief, wad it back up, and put it into the incinerator. Watch it burn. But we're not finished. Nature doesn't like an empty space, and neither does the mind. If we're going to let go of an old belief, let's decide what we're putting in its place. This is where the heart comes in. Ask yourself:
Is this completely true?
Is part of it true?
Or is there a more complete truth I haven't been able to see?
What would I have to believe about myself for this thought to feel true?
Is this actually true, or have I just thought it so many times that it feels true?
What is a better version of the truth?
Not a prettier lie. Not toxic positivity. Not something you think you're supposed to say. A better truth.
If the old belief was:
I'm alone.
Maybe the new belief becomes:
I feel alone right now, but feeling alone does not mean I am unloved or that I will always be alone.
If the belief was:
I should be further along by now.
Perhaps it becomes:
There is no universal timeline for my life. I can honor where I am and still choose where I want to go.
If it was:
I can't handle this.
Maybe:
I'm still determining how to handle this, but I can handle this moment.
Feel the difference? We aren't changing reality. We're changing our relationship with the story we're telling about reality.
Taint It With Heart
When you rewrite the belief, always taint it with heart. I know taint usually means contaminating something in a negative way. But I like turning that idea on its head. Let your heart contaminate the old story.
Taint it with compassion.
Taint it with kindness.
Taint it with courage.
Taint it with curiosity.
Taint it with forgiveness.
Then place the new belief in your heart. Let that be the one you practice. And remember, you don't have to clean up the entire field in one session. Three to five pieces of paper. That's enough.
For today, notice the story. Question the belief. Cancel what is no longer true. Burn what you no longer want to carry. And rewrite the truth with heart.
Then leave the field a little cleaner than you found it.